Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
