I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
