The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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