You can't motorboat a personality
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
