I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
