Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
