I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
