This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
