am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
