she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm at about main and main street
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
