So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
