The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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