I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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