yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
how drunk are you?
Several
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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