I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
