I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
