So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Damn victory sex feels great
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
