it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
