I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
