The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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