i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
