Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
