you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
