1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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