Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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