I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
