I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
