He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
