Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
