Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
