You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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