I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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