so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
