You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
