You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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