What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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