remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
