there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
