He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
