It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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