i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
