Swine flu. Run for my life!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
