i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
