I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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