Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
