I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
