I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
