On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
