new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
