Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
