I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
