Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
