That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
