Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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