Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
