He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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